


What If?

by weebutwicked



Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: Child Death, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, F/M, Golden Trio FTW, Kidnapped Child, Parent-Child Relationship, Relationship breakdown
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weebutwicked/pseuds/weebutwicked
Summary: Tumblr anon request/prompt for "What if Farah was Bloom's real mother and Rosalind still knowingly went through with the switch." Pre-series. Farah and Rosalind centric.
Relationships: Farah Dowling & Rosalind, Farah Dowling & Saul Silva & Ben Harvey, Farah Dowling/Saul Silva, Saul Silva & Rosalind
Comments: 65
Kudos: 210





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So in this story, I'm taking a lot of liberties. It was a fan request from tumblr that I thought might be fun to tackle as I'm covering subjects I've never written about before. It's also one of the few pieces I've done that I haven't had a beta read so any mistakes or loss of flow are completely mine.
> 
> I've got no idea how many chapters this may become so please bear with me. Also, Rosalind may not be this cruel in the series but I think she fully has the capability to be.

"Not long now," Farah sighed, fingers digging into pressure points on her back in an attempt to release some of the discomforts. "You ready for this?" Saul asked, glancing up from the sharpening wheel as he ran his sword along with it. "Why are you not asking if _we_ are ready for this?" She asked him, raising her eyebrow. Saul stopped and held his breath, knowing he had to work fast, "I'm not the one -- well you have to be ready first and then we'll be ready. Mutual readiness."

Ben just snorted from behind the pair, head bent over a plant he was working on. He'd been through this twice already with his own wife and was smart enough not to get involved, but was still enjoying watching Saul put his foot into his mouth on the regular. He'd be a good dad, Ben thought. Maybe a bit rough round the edges but a good one.

Very protective, probably a bit mushy. Especially if the baby was a girl. 

The earth fairy had watched Saul as dragged the huge ass sharpening wheel to the greenhouse to sharpen his blades just so he knew he could be close to Farah the last few weeks while she was also being watched by Ben in the greenhouse. It was probably ridiculous but he had done more ridiculous things in his time. Saul had seen how high Rosalind's eyes had rolled into her head when she spied him dragging the thing across the courtyard.

He didn't care.

Farah just rolled her eyes at Saul, knowing he meant well, but that he was as equally as nervous as she was. Becoming parents was exactly the _last_ thing she had expected to do, she loved children of course but having one of her own? She'd thought those cards long gone. Maybe five, ten years, ago but now? She had a life, a career, a good one at that, and everything was going to change now.

She wasn't going to be in the battalion anymore, for starters. It had been everything to her the last few years, the good that they did helped everyone in the fairy realm and she would miss being part of a team that always had her back but she was going to have someone else's back to watch now and that person was so important to her. More so than the team.

That was a sobering thought really.

The desire to be a parent had taken Farah by surprise, certainly, a soldier with somewhat of a new teaching background wouldn't expect to settle into a relationship nevermind rearing babies but once it happened she came to realize she wanted to be a parent. Saul, on the other hand, had been panicked from the moment he found out and had been incredibly protective and supportive.

Ben thought it was hysterical, only because it was Saul. 

He made a point to bug Silva about it just about every chance he got, karma was a bitch and that's what he got for Saul bugging him about being a soft-eyed dad during both of his wife's pregnancies. Sucks to suck. Despite his teasings, he had already built a beautiful oak crib for the newest arrival to their little clan but had it hidden away, for now, Ben was really looking forward to being an uncle.

Farah just watched the both of them from the nearby couch she'd sunk down into with both a sly grin and disbelief in her eyes, these two were just as good as children. To think she'd been worried about what sort of parent she might be when she had to corral two grown children every single day of her life. A baby would be a walk in the park.

Letting out a small huff, Farah fanned herself with her hand, the heat just did not stop with her these days. "You're both ridiculous." 

"How did Rosalind take it when you told her you were leaving the team?" Ben asked carefully, knowing it was likely a bit of a touchy subject. Rosalind hadn't exactly been quiet about it in the beginning when certain soldiers were one on one with her and something about it had seemed off to Ben but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Their leader had seemed supportive at other moments.

It hadn't been a good exchange, to say the least. Farah was Rosalind's favourite, everyone knew that, and she was expecting her protege to follow her in all aspects of leadership. So, when Farah had announced she was expecting and that she would retire from the team after a certain period of time, Rosalind hadn't taken it well. She had first taken it as if it was an act of betrayal.

So naturally, she had lit Saul's pants on fire the minute he had walked into the room.

Most people weren't even aware that Farah and Saul were together in any sort of romantic nature, everyone knew that a bond between fairy and specialist was sacred but they were also quite private about their time together. They were never paired together on missions, both because they knew it could become a distraction and because they were being discreet, but she still _knew_.

Clearly, they weren't as good at it as they thought. 

Eventually, as Rosalind realised Farah was serious about keeping the child and doing the whole "parenting" thing, she had backed off. Switched tunes and started being supportive. It had been strange, but Farah appreciated it from her mentor none the less. Rosalind's opinion mattered, even if she didn't want to admit it. She'd been away from her family for so long, her sister was human. Having others like her, that wanted her around, it made being away hurt less.

Brushing her loose braid onto the side of her shoulder, Farah shrugged." She seemed understanding enough. I'll still be with her at the school just no longer charging into battle, it's parenthood, not a death sentence. So what if I'm not on the team anymore. You two are fully capable of doing everything for her that I can." She was met with silence from both men.

"Not quite" and "Not even a little bit" came from the disagreeing men. "Do I look like I have any mental sway over that woman?" Saul asked, stopping the spinning wheel and holding up the blade to peer down it. "She's terrifying, the only one she listens to other than Andreas is you." Ben nodded in agreement. "Rosalind minds our opinions but it's yours that she's always looking for."

Farah hadn't expected to hear that, it was very nice of them to say. Her lower lip was jutting out and she let out a small sniffle as a tear rolled down her cheek, they didn't have to be so nice to her. The men in the room heard her sniffle and jumped up into action, causing Farah to hold them back with her magic. "Move one more inch and you're both going to be glued to the floor, I am fine. It's just the hormones." 

Both men backed off with their hands raised, knowing better than to poke that bear. They were just going to stand still and move away slowly and all would be fine. Farah's abilities had been a little on the wayward side the last month and some and if she said she was going to do it then she was going to but it could be worse than intended. They both had shit to do today so... no sticking.

It wasn't her fault and they both loved her and neither wad dumb enough to say anything to upset her even accidentally, it would be over soon enough, and then anything dumb they said could be blamed on sleep deprivation. Ben was neglecting to mention that babies also had fun accidents with their powers when they were little and was waiting for the new parents to figure that one out themselves. 

Finally, he was getting the last laugh over the two of _them_.

Setting his sword down next to the workstation, Saul walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. "You worried about going in later?" He wasn't going to be worried as long as she wasn't worried about it, he didn't like worrying, to begin with, and wasn't very good at it so the last nine months had been a real challenge for him. The other two found it rather endearing though and secretly grinned about it behind his back.

Ben said all of this was normal and he believed Ben so Saul shouldn't worry, but he did.

Farah just shook her head, though she wasn't quite being truthful. "What they're doing is done in other realms all the time, Saul. Everything will be fine." Induction was completely normal in many worlds and as much as she had enjoyed being pregnant, to some degree, that enjoyment had ended about two months prior when she stopped being able to see her feet.

She just wanted to have her child in her arms and to be back at Alfea with her family, that's the only thing she wanted now. 

"Isn't an induction like the last option you want to have?" Bless him, he was trying. Farah reached over pat his arm lovingly, she couldn't reach his knee to pat that. "No, that's an emergency caesarean but you also forget that our child is a week overdue and I miss being able to eat certain foods and sleep on my back like a civilised fairy..." Also, just sitting in one spot for any amount of time. 

So, now it was time to get the show on the road. 

"Besides, if she has a successful induction than there's less healing time after the fact. Farah will be back to kicking butts before we know it and everyone will be the happier for it." Ben supplied, trying to reassure Saul. He already knew Farah knew all of this, she read the books he'd given her. Someday Saul would be comfortable being a parent, he was sure of that.

The trio stayed in the greenhouse till it was time to go, Farah giving Ben the biggest hug ever as he rubbed her back and did his best to reassure her, promising to bring the kids around when they sent him the all-clear. "If anyone has got this, Farah, it's you. Good luck." Before they gatewayed out, Ben pulled Saul into a hug too, knowing it would throw him and wished him well. 

Ben was really the only other person Saul appreciated having his back as much these days, their other friend Andreas had really been pulling away as of late. None of them knew why but it made them close up ranks regardless, not willing to let anything happen to Farah on the off chance something was amiss. Not that she hadn't mildly complained about the extra babysitting others were doing of her.

It's just what they did though. This little family, their chosen few, it had been the only thing to get them through all of the training, the battles, the losses. They always had each other's backs, helped care for Ben and raise his children after his wife had died without a second thought. They were protective of each other and that made them all the more powerful as a unit. Caring wasn't a weakness, despite what others in their ranks believed. 

Given how many Burned One's they'd manage to kill in comparison to the other teams, the fairies they had lost. They had something the other's didn't. They chalked it up to family and hope, and what were children? Children were new beginnings and beacons for hope, despite everything that was going on in the fairy realm right now, that was what everyone needed right now, hope.

This child would be Farah and Saul's newest hope and it would also be their last for a very long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing to put my own spin on the lores and wield them into something new.

After arriving and getting into their room, Saul went into right impatient dad mode. He was pacing the floor, asking as many questions as he could, doing whatever he could to help keep Farah comfortable, mildly panicking when she made a sound he wasn't used to hearing. Farah swore if she didn't love him with everything she had already then his current actions would have sealed the deal permanently. 

He hated reading and learning mundane things, Saul was an action kind of guy but he was trying so hard. He was going to be such a good father.

The next thirteen hours were a whirlwind, doctors and nurses coming and going, at least three hours on her hands and knees, two yelling at Saul in languages he didn't even think were real, yelling at Ben, who wasn’t even there, for introducing her to Saul and at the end of it, Saul and Farah welcomed a little girl into the fairy realm. Ten fingers, ten toes, light red hair, the softest blue of eyes.

Neither of their eyes were blue but Farah's mother’s eyes were, as were her sister's, and that comforted her more than she realised. She hadn’t seen her human family in so long, they’d probably forgotten about her by now, but that hair and those eyes... Farah wondered if this made up for it somehow and her heart ached a bit. Both parents were overjoyed, just happy to have her there with them. 

Neither expecting to have been in this position in the first place and now wanting to appreciate the gift for what it was. At that moment, neither of them could imagine going back into the field, Saul ready to tell Rosalind he was out the minute he saw the baby, couldn't bear being away from either of them for a moment. 

Farah felt the exact same way, she didn't want to go back to being a soldier at all now, just wanting to spend the rest of her days with this beautiful child they had made. She'd give all of it up gladly just for this. Within seconds they could already think of a hundred things they wanted to do with the baby. What neither of the new parents knew was that Rosalind was hearing everything they were saying.

And that leaving her was **not** going to be an option.

She'd been standing near the hospital room door, waiting until she could go in and give Farah her congratulations and well wishes and her pretend happiness for her protege but inside knowing that this wouldn't do. She needed Farah to continue her work, for the next steps to come. There was something big coming and it was her job to ensure everything went according to her master's plan. 

It was years in the making and had a long way to go but would be worth it in the end and Farah’s magic was important to that plot. She was _necessary_ , Farah being a distracted parent? Not so much.

After waiting for longer than she cared to, she was not often the one doing the waiting, Rosalind decided to leave. She knew she had to come back in the dark of night and perhaps not seeing Farah now would make her attempted phoney support of the other woman seem more realistic. It also would give the new parents more time to bond with their daughter, time that they should enjoy while they could, Rosalind thought. By morning's light, that child would be halfway to anywhere, not in their realm and not with her parents. Completely hidden away.

Letting her student become a mother was not part of Rosalind’s plan and she knew if allowed to, Farah would leave her for this child. Saul would follow and if not, he would be vastly distracted by the presence and or idea of offspring. Practically useless to her then. Men could be like that, good men. Saul was one of them. Rosalind didn't begrudge good men and women, she had been one once, but they were not the only ones out there and times were changing, things were in motion and the realms were changing, they needed leaders and fighters. 

War was coming and peace was not an option if they hoped to survive. 

Something old and ancient was waking in the fairy realm, something that had been lost for decades and was rumoured to be a great power that had helped create every realm in their world... If one could find this ancient power, they could bind all of the realms under one rule instead of many. Limitless power, who didn’t want that? It was rumoured to be tied to specific families and fairies that could wield multiple magics. If she could find a way to contain that magic, she could use it, and if she couldn’t contain it then she could make others use it. 

From the research she’d seen, some of the signs pointed to Farah's family line and that was something she could work with. She already had Farah in her grasp and given how powerful her protege was, that power could very well be inside of Farah herself. If Rosalind were the praying type, she would ask for that as the option, but she wasn’t, so she liked to hedge her bets.

Should there be a minute chance she was wrong then she would be the only one in the entire realm who knew where Farah’s child was and while she would have to wait for the child to come of age, nobody else would know. Rosalind could be patient, she’d come this far. Win, win. So Rosalind let Farah go along with this charade long enough to have the child, to be with it until she fell asleep and both mother and child became unprotected, then she would slip in and take the child and replace it with a child whose death was all but certain.

With a day, maybe two, it would be all over. The dream completely shattered and Farah would be back with her, whatever the soon to be mother would be feeling could be harnessed into something better: stronger, faster. Grief was a powerful motivator. She'd fly further than she ever had before if pushed correctly. All Rosalind had to do was this one thing and she just needed to wait for Farah to stop disgustingly cooing over the bundle in her arms and fall asleep. 

The light in her room was still on but it would go dark soon. Glancing down at the redheaded bundle in her own arms, Rosalind smiled. Something greater than luck was on her side in the planning of this, fate was such a beautiful thing. Both Dowling sisters expecting at the same time? What sort of blood sacrifice or heavenly deed had she done in a past life to get that timing. Neither of them the wiser of the other’s conditions, Rosalind knew only some of Farah's home life, that her sister was human, but they hadn't spoken in years. 

What would there even be to talk about, gardening? Farah was meant for far greater things and her sister, so ordinary. So painfully _human_.

Any child of Farah's would be _powerful_ , you would have to be stupid to think otherwise, her natural talent and ways with the magic in the world could make a grown man cry. It was beautiful, precise, and deadly when needed. Someday, with enough experience and continued practise, she may even be able to rival Rosalind’s magic herself. The thought of Farah being greater than her didn't scare Rosalind, on the contrary.

She might even be proud of Farah then.

Put those abilities into a child that would be raised at Alfea from the start? No contest. The perfect combination of specialist _and_ fairy if Rosalind had her way. The child would wipe the floor with any student it crossed and yet it could be used for something far greater. It just wouldn't do to have mother and child together, not now. Their joined abilities would be something to see, for sure, but not what Rosalind wanted or needed.

Not just yet.

If she took the risk and left mother and daughter together and then it turned out the child did have the sought after magic, Farah would never let anyone near it. The child would only listen to its parents, outside influence would be extinguished before it ever got started, she'd have no chance. Turning a child against its parent was extremely difficult. If Farah and Saul felt at risk, they might even take the child away from her… from Alfea, or worse yet, the realm itself and then what? Both of her options could be taken from her forever.

Now, take the child and put it in the human realm all alone and let her loose? Well, that could be fun. Unguided, untrained, reckless? Angry at the world. No other fairies in her entire world? True beauty came from that. Danger too, but beautiful danger. Break the child, get greatness. Separate the child and the parent and break them both? 

Now **that** , Rosalind could do.

The human child in her arms started to sniffle and whine a little, Rosalind shushed her right away and bounced her as she'd seen others do. They might be standing out there a while but the quicker this was done, the better. There was only so much magic that would hold the illusion she’d made in the human world while she was out of it, Rosalind needed to get back.

Seeing the room light go out, she made her way into the hospital, Rosalind pressing herself against the wall, holding the child close, and slipped inside Farah's room as the nurse left it. The younger woman was curled up on her bed, facing the small bassinet the hospital had set up for the baby, and deeply asleep. Farah had a long day, she'd force herself to stay awake through all of it if she could, Rosalind knew. Rosalind just had to hope Saul didn't show up now.

Reaching down into the bassinet, Rosalind quickly picked up the child and turned to watch Farah, Rosalind's eyes going white to soothe the other woman, who was sensing distress in the air, into staying asleep and placed the human child down in its place. Easy, peasy. Neither baby noticed the sudden movements and thank the fairy gods for that, it would be a disaster if she were to be seen like this. 

Not even Rosalind was stupid enough to face a raging, overtired, new mother. If she were not careful, Farah could kill her with her bare hands and Rosalind had no doubt that she would if she became aware of what was happening.

With this new child, however, Farah would be too busy to fight, kept in a state of panic and worry. It wouldn't take long before the shitstorm began but it would give Rosalind enough time to get back to Earth to finish the switch. One child would live and one would die, that was just the fact of it. It would break Farah’s heart and she would need her mentor's shoulder to cry on.

Rosalind knew that much even while catching the briefest look of Farah asleep and if she were more maternal, she might appreciate the fact that the new mother’s fingers were twitching as if she wanted to reach out to her child, her bond already fully set with it for being so new. Rosalind was exactly what Farah would need and she would be there like the good mentor she was.

Just had to finish this one task first.

Slipping out of the hospital was just as easy as getting in had been, what fairy would believe a plot so sinister was unfolding inside of its walls? Security was limited. Finding a gateway door out was also easy, why treat a fairy in the human world when their own could be so quickly in reach? She almost wished there had been a fight, easy winning was never as enjoyable.

By the end of the night, Rosalind had made sure that the very human Vanessa Dowling had her sister's magical child and that her magical successor Farah Dowling was on the train running for heartbreak. Her younger sister's child was born with a congenital heart defect, and the mortality rate on children with congenital heart defects was incredibly high. 

Their little bodies just couldn't handle it, it wasn’t their fault, not really, but it was true. Rosalind was betting on that, nay, _needing_ , the child to die and then there would be no more distractions for her star pupil.


	3. Chapter 3

Waving her hands over the crib where the fairy child was placed, she removed the illusion she had been using the last few hours. Her task was done. Part of her almost wished it had been harder because praying on the already weakened fairy wasn’t exactly noble but neither was leaving your commander in the thick of battle.

So, it evened out.

Rosalind hadn't stayed in the human realm any longer than she'd had to after switching the children. There was no longer any need. She burned an image into the young fairy's mind that would unlock when the time was right and she was capable of handling what she was being told. Rosalind would still be headmistress then, so the training would be easy. 

She didn’t speak to either child except to say some parting words to the fairy in her arms. “Farah can’t be allowed to love you but Vanessa and Mike can. You both have the potential to be the most power fairies the realms have ever seen, I can’t allow you two to meet. You wouldn’t be good for each other, or for me, but someday I will help you with your powers. I promise.” 

She was ever so excited to see what the girl's powers would be. Would it be fire, which Farah was incredibly talented in her own right. She’d seen the woman take out a Burned One on her own with just her inner fire, which was something to be proud of given how ruthless the creatures were. Burned the heart right out of it and ripped it through its own chest. 

She was the only one of Rosalind’s battalion that could do it on her own.

Would it be of the mind, as her mothers was? The things Rosalind had seen Farah do just by accident nevermind if she actually put her mind to it! Farah was so powerful with the mind, imagine if Rosalind could push her to use it for something darker. Devastation and chaos. Or could it be something equally as destructive given the right... inspiration?

Only time would tell.

Now, to return to Alfea for the rest of the night and wait for the call from the hospital in the morning. She had left instructions with the school that she was not to be bothered in order to leave the grounds freely and so no one would suspect anything amiss. The hospital would be apologetic and say they missed something in the first health scans and life would move on.

Farah woke a few hours later from a much needed sleep, there was hair in her mouth and she was sort of stuck to her pillow, it wasn't her best look. Saul was asleep in the nearby chair and their daughter still asleep in between them, she could barely believe what she was seeing. She wasn't sure she could love anything more than she did at that moment. 

She felt so _alive_.

Raising her hand weakly, Farah telekinetically brought the bassinet closer to her bedside, there was no way she could bend that far over right now even if she wanted to. Peering over the edge of it, she smiled down at her baby who was wiggling around in the little blanket she was wrapped in, a little cry coming from her. "Oh, don't cry. I've got you. Mummy's here." 

She just wanted to look at her baby and talk to it forever, so drawn to this amazing creature she'd helped make. Lifting the baby onto her raised knees, not a comfy position hours after giving birth, Farah ran a finger gently against the baby's chubby little cheek. It was a little cold for someone so small but that might be normal. 

"My darling, you're so little, who knew babies were so little? Fairies, I'm shit at this. Sorry. You're so beautiful, I never knew I could want something as much as I want you." Her heart actually felt like it was hurting from how full it was. She kind of hated it but that was only because it was such a foreign feeling.

The baby let out a little yawn and opened her eyes, flailing her arm as Farah untucked it from the blanket. Her skin was soft but vaguely ashen looking, Farah and Saul were both quite pale but she seemed even more so. As much as she felt ready to cry all over her child, there was something nagging at the back of her mind she didn't want to ignore.

Eyes lighting up with just the smallest under the radar bit of magic, she began humming softly and traced little patterns along the blanket, her brow furrowing and head tilted to the side when her fingers stopped right above the baby's heart with a frown. There was a quiet whirring that she hadn't heard before.

Granted, the night before was so hectic she didn’t remember most of it. Truthfully, she barely remembered even holding her baby the night prior, perhaps she had missed it...

Right after the baby was born, naturally her emotions and magic were running at an all-time high. Farah could see and feel _everything_ and in the haze of all of the running nurses and crying and everything else, it had been so very overwhelming to focus on the singular sounds and lifeforce of her child.

Now she just wanted to focus on her forever.

The more Farah felt around, the more the baby started fussing and Farah could sense her distress. Now, she wasn't a doctor but it didn't sound or feel right, and she had learned long ago to trust her gut. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and briefly glanced over. "Saul, go fetch the doctor." Saul's eyes shot open and he straightened up, "Far, wha --" 

"Doctor, now. Please." 

The new dad was not going to panic just yet but did as he was told and left the room to get the doctor, who returned moments later and immediately began examining the baby with his stethoscope. He was silent for the first few minutes of his examinations and both Saul and Farah just stared at each other, worry beginning to set in the longer they heard no answers.

Farah's face settled into panic when the doctor looked at them, his eyes betraying him before his voice did. "Your daughter's pulse is getting very weak, her breathing is becoming sluggish and she appears to have a heart murmur, that's when the blood isn't flowing properly into the heart. We're gonna test her for pulmonary atresia and depending on those results we'll take her into care."

Saul gritted his teeth and reached over to hold Farah's hand tightly, "so her oxygen levels are lower is what you're saying?" He'd paid attention in class enough to know that. They said she was healthy right afterwards, the perfect baby. How did they miss this? 

The doctor nodded solemnly, "fortunately we have caught this now, if we had sent you home and you had to come back, she would be going straight to emergency. It's not uncommon for murmurs to make themselves known after the first few hours of life."

Shaking her head, Farah didn't want to know anymore. It was too much, she'd seen and been in combat medical situations and knew the body and it’s working but those were adults and not children. Children should not be suffering. She just wanted her child to be okay. "Do what you must, just help her!” 

The doctor just looked at them sympathetically, knowing that he should not try and give any answers until he had them because sometimes babies had complications and they could be very serious and ultimately, that they were rarely anyone's fault. 

He didn’t want to give the new parents false hope. There was a very high chance that the couple’s child would not survive. There were just some things even magic couldn’t fix even when they desperately wished they could.

Farah and Saul stared a hole into the man's back as he left in silent demand that he cure their daughter of whatever ailments she may have. The two new parents just sat there, for hours, curled together in Farah's hospital bed with their heads resting together, waiting for news, anything, from the hospital staff. This was the worst feeling in the world. Not knowing anything was driving them crazy. 

She was damn glad she had followed her new motherly instincts now, they would have just let her baby go home with them and they would have never known until it was too late.

Farah was still too weak to leave her bed, though the desire to go poking out was strong, and Saul couldn't bring himself to venture away from her so they just held each other in silence. The urge to use her more powerful magic was itching under her skin but she didn’t want to be heavily sedated if they determined she was using her magic for gain, no matter the reason. 

Little blips here and there were fine but not the kind of magic Farah was wanting to use now.

It helped keep things balanced and that made sense, if every patient, nurse and doctor could use magic in the same space, and given how heated things got in hospitals, it could be a catastrophe. Didn't make things any easier though, how could any fairy feel better when they were bound by some rule that suppressed their natures. 

Farah let out a deep breath and clamped her eyes shut to try and keep the tears at bay, she couldn't help but feel like some of this was her fault. She was a mother now and should have realised something was wrong right away but had been too swept away in the emotions and newness to notice anything.

As the hours dragged on, Saul eventually managed to coax Farah into a small nap. She was running on empty and starting to get clammy and chilled due to all of the new stress her body was undergoing. He couldn't sleep though, his body wanted him to, but he just wanted to have answers for her when she woke up.

He'd never felt so useless before, even when they were facing death on the battlefield, he had never felt helpless, there was always a way out. This time though, they were not in control, they had no answers and they couldn't even see their child. Saul just rested his head atop Farah's and waited for anything.

The nurses would occasionally pop their heads in and hand Saul a new sheet of reading each time, rather than risk waking Farah with long explanations, and it allowed him time to learn more about his daughter's emerging conditions. So far he had learned that there is no known reason for what was happening to his baby.

That only about 75% babies of born with a critical congenital heart defect are expected to survive their first year, that CHDs are a leading cause of birth defect-associated infant illness and death. That there was no rhyme or reason as to why and how it happened, there was nothing conclusive.

They had done everything right though, that's the part Saul didn't understand. He just didn't.

His heart was actually breaking, just as he knew Farah's was. When he explained everything to her later, the well completely spilt over with what their shared feelings were. The specialist and fairy bond was strong under normal circumstances but when romantically entwined, it felt like the air they breathed and the blood running under their skin was shared.

Hurting one, hurt the other. So when they were both hurting, it just amplified itself tenfold.

Neither of them, to his knowledge, had any sort of genetic issues. Rosalind had them do physicals and other tests every six months because they were in the field, they were at peak health. It didn't make sense to him and he just hoped with everything he had that it would be okay. They were both so deeply looking forward to becoming parents. 

He wanted it for them, he and Farah were already so bonded to each other that sometimes they didn't know where one began and the other ended and their child would have been the first one born to a specialist and fairy in a very long time. They were excited about that, happy to prove that those bonds weren’t hindrances but instead made them stronger.

Now they had to play the waiting game and that game was the worst one of all.


	4. Chapter 4

Farah and Saul were both asleep when the doctor came a few hours later, the old man felt awful about having to wake them at that hour but he felt even more awful about the news he was bringing them. They had been so excited to become parents, anybody could see that, and just as easily it was over in a matter of minutes.

The specialist, having trained to be alert at all times, opened his eyes first and sat up in the bed. Farah stirred at his movements, opening her eyes and rubbing them before shooting up in the bed at the sight of the doctor. 

Both of them silently demanded answers.

This sort of thing never got any easier no matter how many times he had to do it, every time he had to deliver bad news he swore his hair went more grey. They were fairies, there was so much more they could do in terms of treatment than on earth but sometimes, it didn’t matter how much magic you had. 

You couldn’t regrow tissue or limbs or organs, when things didn’t work, sometimes there wasn’t a fix that would help. Even a transplant wouldn’t have helped and in babies there was never a guarantee it would even work.

Magic wasn’t a cure all despite how much they wished it was sometimes.

Stuffing his hands into his lab coat pockets, the doctor walked over to the empty chair and sat down, knowing that you didn’t deliver bad news while standing. With a small sigh, he just shook his head sadly. It was the hardest when it was kids. “Ms. Dowling, Mr. Silva, your daughter has died. I’m very sorry for your loss.” 

Just like that all the air was sucked out of the room. He saw the moment his words physically impacted the other two adults, their shoulders dropped and breaths were held. He wasn’t going to leave until they dismissed him, he was there to answer any of their questions and stay silent unless they asked.

It has been said that coping with the death and loss of a child was some of the hardest work one will ever have to do and the doctor truly believed that to be true. These two were in for a long and painful road ahead.

Saul just swallowed and wrapped his arm around Farah’s waist, her head dropping to his shoulder and hair falling onto her face. “What happened?” Saul asked quietly. He didn't know why he asked, what difference it would make for them to know, but he didn’t know what else to say.

Parents weren’t supposed to outlive their children.

The doctor leaned forward and rested his hands on the arms of the chair. “Her heart muscle wasn’t strong enough to pump a normal amount of blood to the body so there was backup of blood and fluid in her lungs and both sides of the heart failed at the same time. We could get her back up and then she’d go right back down.”

Farah’s hand was curled around Saul’s arm, her fingernails digging into his sleeve as she listened on. The words were going into her ears but she wasn’t really registering them. How could their baby be there one second and then not? 

Obviously, as soldiers, they knew how death worked. It was part of their jobs and they were good at killing otherwise they wouldn’t be the ranks they were. Taking the life of a Burned One or any other enemy, it wasn’t anything personal, it was war but a child… It was every bit personal.

There was nothing that forgave that.

Children were the ultimate life force, the loss of one went against everything anyone stood for. They violated the rules when they hunted and killed Burned Ones but losing a child was the ultimate violation of all of the rules of life.

They were precious and brought hope and discovery to their parent’s lives, to just be gone in an instant seemed so much more cruel when it was a child. Rosalind had been used to prioritising life, she had instilled that in her students under the guise of protecting the realm. So they had prioritised it, their daughter’s life became the most important thing and now.... There was nothing. 

Was this some sort of cosmic karma for that choice?

The doctor stayed with them as they attempted to reconcile with the devastating news, watching and waiting for if they needed him, though it was hardly likely. This sort of news wasn’t like ripping off a band aid, it was finding the heart of a person and ripping it right out.

Bodies would sink into themselves for less, these two had gone completely limp and their nerves were frayed beyond repair. Their emotions running so hot they likely didn’t know if they should scream or cry or something else.

After a while, Saul and Farah dismissed him, citing they wanted to be alone. The couple lay side by side in Farah’s hospital bed staring lifelessly at the wall across from them, Farah’s head laying on Saul’s shoulder and tears beginning to run down their faces.

It would be so easy to let out the guttural howls that were creeping up in both of them just below the surface, to just let loose, but they were in too much shock to even do that right now, both so trained to grieve privately, if at all, that the idea of having the public meltdowns their bodies were clearly aching for just seemed _disgusting_.

Rosalind would be so proud.

Laying next to Saul, Farah felt so dirty, like every fiber of her body had betrayed her at the highest level, and was the reason for their loss. Saul was feeling numb and knew his walls were building back up, wondering if there was anything they could have done differently...

Their bond was pulled so taut in that moment that they both felt as if they were suffocating on it, glancing at each other and both realising they just wanted to run away, from each other or from the room, they couldn’t tell.

It hurt but if they got away from the other maybe they would be able to breathe.

Knowing that Farah was too weak to leave the bed, Saul made the decision for them and put some distance between them, facing away from her as he stared out the window aimlessly into the dark. They both had been able to let out shaky, heaving breaths once he had moved, it was barely a dent but it was something. Neither of them felt so lightheaded anymore.

Farah wondered how soon she would be allowed to leave, she didn’t want to stay anymore. She wanted out of that bed, that room, to bolt for the nearest gateway and never come back. They were going to make her stay in there until they appeared stable enough, or in her case, physically capable, to leave. Then they could go from there, maybe Ben would know what to do.

He was an important third to their lives, each having a different piece of the other that loved and supported and worked together in harmony. They both were wishing he was there now. Her heart was torn between wanting to be left alone and be curled in Saul’s arms, no matter how much they both were hurting, he had always been her safe haven and she knew this time was no different... 

But she just couldn’t and neither could he.

Their grieving processes were nothing alike and while they had comforted each other many times over their years together, this was different. It wasn’t a loss of someone they didn’t know or had fought against. It was of their own flesh and blood, their love and souls coming together. Someone that was uniquely theirs and meant to bring decades of love and happiness to their lives.

How did they comfort the other over that?

Both parties were struggling with wanting to push all of the love they had down the bond until it washed away the hurt and yet also wanting to hide away from the world until it hurt _less_.

It made Farah itch to scrub all of these feelings away, to steam herself out in the hottest shower, sitting under the deafening spray while hard sobs would rack her body and she scrubbed at her skin until it was raw. Saul’s process was going off alone into the woods with just his rucksack, sometimes disappearing for days. He never talked about what he did when he left, but he always came back to them. 

Even if his guard always seemed a little bit more sharper each time.

A few hours later, the desire to have him close again had won out and Farah wiped away her latest batch of tears with her sleeve. “Saul? Can I hold your hand?” It was something comforting and wouldn’t overwhelm either of them. He turned to look at her with a small frown, saddened that she seemed so unsure. “You never have to ask me that, Far.”

He dragged the chair next to the bed and Farah rolled back onto her side, reaching out to gently brush her fingers against his hand while Saul leaned back in the chair and entwined their fingers and rested their joined hands against his chest. 

It was enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sunday night sadness coming in hot and ready.

The call had come right on time, early morning just as the sun was coming up. A new dawn. Rosalind could barely control her glee when she'd answered the phone and played the concerned friend perfectly. Naturally, the grieving parents were heartbroken and Farah had been asking for her.

So she had gone to Andreas and Ben, let them know what happened with as much sorrow as she could muster because she knew they would be needed as well. They were their closest friends, their brothers in arms. Having them along would go far, it would make her seem all the more sympathetic.

Ben left his children with other members of the faculty, knowing that bringing them along, while they were beloved by Farah and Saul, would make it worse this soon. He didn't want to accidentally hurt them any further. It would be hard for them to see the kids for the next... who knows how long. 

They wouldn't be able to look at his children without seeing what was missing from their own lives and that killed him inside, he wished Rose was still alive so he could ask what he should do to help his friends. It was nobody’s fault but he wished he knew how to help. Ben was just going to be there for them, whatever they needed.

The ride was eerily silent on the way to the hospital. Ben was wracking his brain trying to figure out what he could say, or do, to help his best friends. Andreas was joining them later, something had come up. Ben couldn't believe he wasn't going to put his work down to come to the aid of his friends but he was so disgusted by it that he didn't say anything.

Rosalind sat there with her hands clasped, staring off into a land of her own through the car window. Everything was going to plan and while yes, there was a tiny sliver of her that felt bad for causing her protege such distress but Rosalind's own mentor had a plan and it had to be seen through if they were going to win.

Upon reaching the hospital, Ben and Rosalind quickly made for Farah's room and she was determined to get in there first, stopping Ben from entering with the halt of her hand. "Best I go in first, see if I can relieve some of her pain," she insisted, not even giving Ben a chance before closing the door.

Schooling her features into worry and motherly love, Rosalind edged closer to the bed and tried to sound as sympathetic as she could. "Farah, darling. I am so sorry." Rosalind cooed, reaching down to take her slender hand to try and comfort the quietly crying woman. 

As soon as she got within reach, Farah's arms flew around her neck and deep, mournful sobs were directed into her coat. Rosalind just held onto the younger woman and rested her head against the crown of Farah's head, ushering Saul out of the room with the wave of her hand and a silent promise that she had it until control.

She had it completely under control.

Andreas was on his way and Rosalind had seen Ben pacing around outside, he could help Saul. Always had been better at soothing other's hurt than she had, but she could be everything her Farah needed right now, especially when it would get her the payoff she wanted. "There, there, let it all out. I've got you. No one could have known."

Not true, obviously, but it was something comforting, right? 

Now, it was against the policy to use magic here and she knew that but who would dare stop the headmistress of Alfea from relieving one of her own of such great sorrow, the doctors were scared of her, she was not an enemy that anyone wanted. Farah might not be able to soothe herself, but Rosalind certainly was capable.

Rosalind's eyes flashed a light shade of purple as she held onto Farah, attempting to take some of her protege's pain from her but even in this state of mourning, Farah was trying to hold onto it, which was a first for Rosalind. Wincing as the power bounced back and forth between them, she frowned. "Farah, you have to let some of it go..."

The younger woman just shook her head in refusal, too upset to even think about that. Farah had so many thoughts racing through her mind: That she was never going to get to see her child grow up, on the names they hadn't decided on, who she looked more like... “We're your family, Farah, and we want to help take care of you, please let us _help_. " 

Everything had gone too smoothly and she let her guard down for a few hours… Farah should have stayed awake, she should have known sooner. She was not going to just let Rosalind take this from her! This heavy feeling in her chest was the only thing she had left and that pain was part of her now and it was hers and hers alone.

"The doctor said there was no one to blame, Farah. She had a defect in her heart, they did everything they could but sometimes the heart just isn't strong enough.... Fairies are strong but you came from a human family, these things happen with them. There was nothing you could have done differently.”

Rosalind was planning on heavily coaxing Farah to have her child buried on the school grounds, it would help guarantee that Farah never left her because the woman would never leave her child. Living or dead, she wouldn't. If she did that then there would be no reason for the younger fairy to ever return to the human world as an act of her grief.

Perhaps it might even be healing for the younger fairy. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to push it right now but the more upset Farah was, the bigger the explosion that would come. “When you’re ready, we can find a spot on the grounds to bury her, so that you may visit whenever you please…”

That was too much, the coil was snapping. The last thing on her mind was finding a burial place. She didn't **want** to share her pain, she didn't want to listen to her mentor telling her that this was because of her human family. 

It wasn’t going to be okay. Farah just wanted everyone in the entire hospital to shut up and be quiet, her emotions were running so high and so near a frenzied state that she could hear _everything_. 

All of the new little feelings that Rosalind was causing her to feel were bubbling up under her skin like blisters, she’d been able to keep most of her feelings at a simmer until now but Rosalind was hurting her more than she was helping and it almost felt like she was doing it on purpose. 

She just wanted her to **stop**. 

Rosalind still had a physical hold of her though, was still trying to push and prod, it didn’t feel right and Farah had said _no_. With a twist of her head and a roar in her brain and just the smallest mental push, she had Rosalind pinned up against the opposite wall and was holding her there without the need of her hands as a conduit.

Far away from her. 

Without meaning to, Farah’s magic was now spreading itself across the span of the room. The entire room was starting to shake and she couldn’t catch her breath but she had to try because she knew what might happen if she didn’t.

If only Farah was watching Rosalind as she tried to calm down, Rosalind had a sinister grin across her features, and as quick as it had been there it was gone. Her protege had never acted against her before and this was hopefully just the first of the outbursts of power. 

Farah didn’t lose control, she just didn’t. Not while being so seen. Farah hated it, hated having people watch her break down and slip. Telekinetics could hurt others so easily without meaning to and that made it dangerous to let loose, so she didn't. 

The doors to the room opened and hospital security was standing there, with Ben and Saul trying to get in behind them. “Don’t come in. It’s all right, she’s not hurt anyone and your services are not needed, you’ll only make it worse.” Rosalind ordered the guards.

“Hospital’s orders ma’am, she’s a risk. The doctor will sedate her himself if we don’t.” One of them said, clearly uneasy at being near someone who currently had every item that wasn’t nailed down floating in midair and ready to throw.

That was not normal hospital goings on and they knew it.

“Then he can come down here and say it to my face, we are fine. I promise. Do not sedate her unless she asks for it. Her doctor is clearly aware of what she’s going through.” Rosalind was leaving a well-crafted trail now, setting up the pieces. Unstable parent, going against hospital procedures, if something happened it could all be clearly seen if examined.

Ben and Saul had been waving their hands from behind the guards, trying to get Farah to focus on them and not the guards, not Rosalind. When she was able to keep her gaze on them, even while shaking, she was able to let out slower but still shaky breaths and clasped her hands behind her neck to put pressure there. Focus elsewhere.

Farah knew she should apologize but she didn't want to and instead defiantly kept her gaze dancing away from Rosalind, which broke the hold and dropped the other woman. Farah staying silent in hopes her mentor may take the hint. Rosalind was just upsetting her more when all she had wanted was comfort from the one woman in her life that she trusted completely.

Now she just wanted Saul and Ben or literally anyone else there instead. 

The amount of comfort and ease that flowed through the three of them, even while in complete silence, was so encompassing and warm, built-in years of trust, that there was no other kind of company she would accept right now and she didn't believe Saul would either. 

Farah really needed Rosalind to leave now.

Aching too much and too tired to care anymore, she just let out a broken sigh. "I need you to leave now." Farah managed to push out, small tears starting to fall, "thank you for coming," she added, not wanting to seem ungrateful either. 

The soothing Farah had been given felt riddled with poison and she had just twistedly thanked her for it. Fairies, how fucking warped was that? Farah knew that she just hoped maybe there was actual kindness in there and that she was too strung out to see it… 

The woman who was standing before her didn't really seem like her mentor at all in those moments, her pushing, silent and otherwise, was crueller than Farah was used to it being. Of course, Rosalind could be cruel, she built her troops on pain and praise and loyalty. Of giving it and taking it back just as quickly so you were never truly sure where you stood.

This felt as deep as having Rosalind's fingers buried under her rib cage and squeezing her heart though and it wasn't okay. She was still lucid enough to know that in her bones.

Rosalind had gotten the reaction she wanted, she was anything but disappointed but couldn’t let that on. So instead of saying anything, she just nodded and stepped outside into the hallway, watching her two younger soldiers enter behind her and close the door in her face.

Shutting her out completely.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More pain. Only pain, no peace. Will I ever stop torturing these people?
> 
> Probably not in this story.

In the months following the loss of young Evelyn Sarah Dowling-Silva, Farah and Saul were given a rather large berth around the school. Everyone kept their distance, students and faculty alike, and while neither appreciated being treated like glass, they were thankful for the good intentions at least.

No one wanted to be a bother.

People also just didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to explain it away and still be respectful, so they said nothing at all. Even Rosalind was treading carefully, still appearing supportive but had not pushed as hard.

At least not in the way they had been expecting. 

In the first few weeks, they would just disappear from their duties, understandable with the circumstances, and would just go and sit on the edge of the barrier or in the stone circle, down by the waterfalls. Just on opposite ends and in silence. People were almost scared of them now and so they played into that, appearing stern and unapproachable.

Ben and his children, on the other hand, were no scaredy cats. They were just as much a fixture at the team table as always, hiding in their offices, the greenhouse, the training grounds. Wherever Farah or Saul went, one of the three Harvey's were usually not far behind. Even if they said nothing, they were just there with a small smile or a book to read.

It was like having a friendly little ghost or shadow behind you, and with time, the kids were even managing to get full-on smiles from their aunt and uncle, and that was a rarity these days. The kids felt good about that. So did the adults, even if they wouldn't admit to it. Those moments were small blips in their worlds of sadness.

Farah and Saul were feeling a little guilty about keeping their distance but every time they looked at either of the kids, they were overwhelmed with sadness. The doctors said that was part of the process and not to ignore it, to let themselves feel it. Expecting soldiers to feel anything during a traumatic time though was easier said than done and they were so hurt that speaking to each other was next to nonexistent.

They tried, gods, know they had tried those first few weeks and months but they had both walled up. Neither knew if it would ever be able to come down. It would later cause them to splinter, no longer holding hands or even sitting next to each other, though they continued to gravitate towards each other for sure, but wouldn’t, couldn't let themselves get swept up in it again.

That’s where the kids came in handy.

Naturally, they were far too young to understand what happened to the little cousin they thought they were getting, they understood something sad had happened and were sad in turn, but their father made them promise not to ask and just encouraged them to continue to be kind and loving towards Farah and Saul as they always had done. They could do that. 

Sometimes Terra and Sam switched which of them they were tailing that day and eventually it wasn't so unusual to see a very little ten month Terra following the tall and scary Saul Silva, Specialist Headmaster, with a flower or two. People knew better than to comment on it or risk getting their feet kicked out from under them. Terra was one of the few fairies that no one, save Rosalind, at Alfea could be mean to.

While Rosalind was still planning her moves, she did try to give Farah a softer approach this time, knowing she would get more from the broken fairy with a mixture of overwhelming kindness and then sudden cruelty, and they did eventually agree to have their daughter buried at Alfea. It became one of Farah's safe-havens, a favoured place to go and think.

Ironically, the baby was buried not far from where Farah herself would be buried a little over a decade later. A thought that, years down the line, tickled Rosalind silly.

Ben and the kids kept her gravesite overflowing with all sorts of beautiful greenery, even a tree, a life for a life that would have been. It was a gesture that neither of them could ever thank Ben enough for, not would he ever ask them to. Sometimes Sam even went to sit with Farah at Evie's gravesite, he had always been a quiet lad so being there with her and tucked against her side was still comfortable even if they didn't say anything. 

It was just nice to have another person around. Sam still went and sat at his mom's grave too when he could, sometimes it felt nice.

He was young enough to remember when his mom had been buried and his Auntie Farah had sat with him, he knew that she was there for them and didn't push him to talk like some of the others had. She had comforted him with actions over words. He appreciated that and hoped that he could make her feel like she had made him feel: safe. 

Whenever he sensed the headmistress was near though, Sam would scramble away from whichever of them he was with and went to find his dad. He didn't feel safe around Rosalind and didn't like the way some of the adults seemed to change when she was around. Everyone at Alfea did it.

Even his dad did it.

They would clam up and go back to being her little soldiers, Farah and Saul especially. With their great loss and the fact that Rosalind had been slowly encouraging the wedge between Farah and Saul, they were slowly sinking back into a cause that didn't quite feel like their own anymore. It was easier than dealing with the feelings neither of them knew how to handle.

Rather than trying to dismantle the nursery, they asked for assignments to hunt Burned Ones instead. Over trying to comfort each other and talking about what they were experiencing, more Burned Ones.

Being in the Light Battalion wasn't something they even had to think about though, they were expected to shut their emotions off to complete the mission, and given how upsetting their emotions were, not feeling any of them at all was also just as good. It was a rare comfort they both had forgotten about while wrapped in their grief. 

A harsh but well-loved mistress that was so easy to say yes to, why stay away when they could use it to take a break from being so absorbed in their own heads. The training was a distraction, the battles a focus point. They weren't hurting anybody but themselves and right now, that was just fine by them.

Every time the adults went out with Rosalind to find one of these Burned One's, as Sam heard his dad call them, it seemed to take his aunt and uncle longer and longer to come back to their normal selves. They were so distant half the time and the other half it seemed like they were in some sort of fog, it made him sad. They became so focused on the task at hand they forgot about the little things: supper, storytime, sleeping. 

They locked themselves up in their respective offices or training halls, working themselves to the point that words jumped off the pages. 

Sam knew it wasn't their fault just as he knew it wasn't his or dad's or Terra's fault. They were just sad and hurting and that was okay, but he still missed them, and that was okay too. He remembered that his dad said it took time and the Harvey's would still be there when they were ready. They did seemingly start to come back to them by the end of that year. 

Even if it was just a little bit and pieces of them. There had been some changes, of course, they were rougher around the edges, they weren't as mushy with each other as before and it seemed like they didn't know what to say to the other so they just said nothing at all. 

When Saul and Farah did speak it was either about work or about Ben and the kids if they were present. Ben knew it was how they were attempting to heal because he had done the same thing. They were compartmentalizing and focusing their attention elsewhere. Saul to his specialists and Farah to her teaching, it was like the events of the last year had never happened. 

Rosalind used all of these things as opportunities, there wasn't a thing that happened at Alfea that she didn't know about. 

Her two students were struggling to find common ground in their mourning, their survivors guilt getting in the way of the strong connection they had built. Parents disconnecting after the loss of a child was common, sometimes they would never find their ways back to each other and Rosalind didn't **want** them to find their way back, having them apart but still in a unit, was best. 

It hurt them both and yet kept them in need of the other. They couldn't go looking for answers if they were being run ragged. She could help their broken bodies live another night by pushing them. So, she kept Andreas with Saul. Made them train harder, faster. There were more and more Burned Ones by the day, the teams were going out more frequently and some of them weren't coming back at all. 

They needed soldiers and it was their job to get them ready. 

In turn she kept Farah and Ben close, practising new unearthed magic with them, swearing them to secrecy for the safety of the school. Whispering to them about fairies that could combine their abilities for the greater good. It was heresy and yet Rosalind made it sound so real, she was convincing even without her magic to coax them. It couldn't be real though, could it? Within a week, they got their answer. 

The Burned Ones were tracked to a small village called Aster Dell, it was there Rosalind laid out her plan of attack. By the time it would be done, none of them ever could have imagined the things that they would see that day. 

Death. Destruction. Rebirth.


End file.
